I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
