Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
