we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
