Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
