my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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