I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
