I think I am morally bankrupt
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
