you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In other news, I just burned my penis
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
