At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
