Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
