remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
3 2 1 whiskey
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize