This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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