Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
