After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
