Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
