this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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