just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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