She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
