i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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