you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
