Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
