shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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