maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
