Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
