I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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