you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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