New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have already put on my inside pants.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We smell like vodka and hangover
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