All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the day after is always just damage control
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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