I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
