My friends, they love my intelligence
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
