Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
