After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
