Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
