if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
