Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
