I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
