He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
