How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
His nipple licking is glorious
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