Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
