I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
