well I can't set my house on fire every night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Everclear isn't food dammit
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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