yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
