Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
