Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
