I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
