Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
