he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we should paint friendship bongs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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