Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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