dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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