she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize