So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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