Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
