I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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