everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
