it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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