My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
