Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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