it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
