the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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