Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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