U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
