I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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