Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
