I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just had sex bonerless
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
