Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
