put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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