The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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