dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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